Inside The Mind Of A Narcissist

To understand the narcissist, you have to understand the void.

The driving force of NPD is a void — an emptiness that most people find difficult to understand. It is the narcissist's life mission to avoid facing this void at all costs. They fill their lives with chaotic activity, seeking fulfillment from the outside world. This is why they require constant attention: the moment attention stops, the void rushes in.

Imagine a beautiful cake covered in the most lovely frosting, when you cut into this cake there is nothing there, just a void covered with frosting.

To the NPD, this void is pure terror. They will do everything possible not to go into it.

The frosting is a false personality, they work very hard constructing this and know it is empty.

This false personality formed or was inherited because of abuse in the family or the family tree. They seek to turn off intense feelings of self hatred and loathing.

Every once in a while somebody may get into that void quite by accident and will find themselves in a bizarre maelstrom. There will be yelling, suicide or abandonment threats, they may physically harm themselves.

They will do anything to get away from this void. It could end up with an emergency visit to the hospital or a week in bed with vague fevers and complaints and anything you do to help will make the illness worse.

In families where NPDs rule, everyone learns to walk carefully among the broken glass. Children learn to tell their NPD parent exactly what they want to hear and lose any real sense of honesty.

They love to find reasons to be offended — it's a great pastime that keeps the outside chaos flowing.

When you are in a relationship with an NPD, you may eventually notice the void. You realize that the NPD only speaks about two subjects: how bad somebody or something is, and how wonderful, great, or beloved they are. Take away these two subjects and they have nothing — just the empty void.

NPDs know this. If you point out a fault you will force the NPD to face the void.

They would rather die, therefore they cannot be reasoned with, they will avoid the issue and instead start accusing you of something that happened 10 years ago.

You cannot keep them on the subject, resolving conflict with an NPD is impossible, unless it is their way and all their way.

Their only consistency is inconsistency.

They tend to have above average I.Q.s, and are expert readers of your likes and dislikes and will use them as ammunition against you. They are expert liars and gaslighters. They can be promiscuous or notorious adulterers.

Tormenting others is a way of life for an NPD. This keeps them away from the void. They are sociopaths and don't care one bit about your feelings, all they seek is to hide from the void, the misery and suffering they constantly endure.

They hate not being the center of attention, if you are reading, enjoying a conversation or watching a movie they didn't choose, they will interrupt with unhappy complaints.

An NPD will do anything to avoid the void, they will ruin lives..... but they MUST at all costs avoid the void.

As NPDs age, they tend to get worse. They often develop chronic illnesses, Parkinson's, or dementia. They end up alone, with nobody willing to visit — and being alone is precisely what they fear the most.

If you are in a relationship with an NPD, understanding their inner world does not mean tolerating their behavior. The most important thing you can do is protect yourself. Techniques like Inner Influencing® can help you clear the emotional damage inflicted by narcissistic relationships and rebuild your sense of self.